Subes for life!

Back in the good-ol’ Idaho days, common courtesy was still pretty common. And, my sons and I would jokingly use the, “You first. I insist. Lawyers!” line to convince one or the other of us to go first: it was a universal signal to the other person that they should start. For example:

• We start talking at the same time.
• We turn for the stairs at the same time.
• We reach for the pizza at the same time.
• We head for the bathroom at the same time.
• And so on ….

Whomever was not in a hurry or was more patient or was at the top of their etiquette game would demure: “You first. I insist. Lawyers!”

It worked.

And AFAIK, there were never lawyers involved. But, they were invoked, as if to emphasize the importance and serious nature of the declaration.

In the real world, however, there are times when lawyers are necessary, and we have once again reached one of those times. Not with the kids, though. The kids are awesome, and I’m tremendously proud at how intelligent and cultured they’ve become.

This time, it’s with the siblings.

It has been said that money is the root of all evil, and it seems we’ve found another case where the greedy scumbags come out of the woodwork to abuse family and steal from the Trust.

I like that word, Trust. One of the utopian ideas I’ve mulled over for a few years is, what would happen if everyone always acted in the best interest of others? Like, what would happen if everyone knew that everyone else had their back? That at all times, all people could be counted on to lend a hand or help someone out of a sticky situation? That people are always doing the right thing, no matter the consequence. Or, in a social setting, to say just the right thing or make a witty quip to soothe or appease?

It seems that we’re not living in that world, however.

In reality, not all people can be counted on to do the right thing. And yet, they’re smart enough to straddle that line of overtly doing the wrong thing. You know what I’m talking about, where you abuse your mom just enough that she hates you and wants you out of her house, where she knows you’re a ruthless scumbag stealing from her and her loyal husband, and yet she’s powerless to stop it because she’s old and frail and isn’t thinking clearly and isn’t surrounded by people she knows and can trust. Or, where you hire people to help care for your mom, but you verbally abuse them and cyber-stalk them and threaten them. Or, you physically assault your companion animals. Or, when you steal hundreds of thousands of dollars from the family, with no remorse. Or, when you live out of town and rarely visit and watch all this happen and don’t say a word or lift a finger to stop it.

That is my family.

They are the epitome of truly piece-of-shit human beings, and mom and dad are disappointed in all three of them.

And so, lawyers engaged. Again.

The fight begins. Again.

Lawyers!

Me first.

I insist.