Subes for life!

Well, folks, your intrepid reporter in the field, the one and only Deedius O’Tropolous*, has confirmed that Santa has survived and has thrived another Xmassio season. 2023 is Writer-Bob’d and in the books as another successful year of sneaking into peoples’ houses and eating peoples’ random junk food.

How do we know all this?

We can haz the proofs:

He doesn’t even look tired. Today is Tuesday 26 December, and the guy is smiling and happy and cruising around like he just retired and bought himself a three-wheeler and will never deliver another Xmas package ever again.

Oh.

Wait.

Maybe he retired.

Maybe he bought a three-wheeler.

Maybe he’ll never perform another home invasion.

And now he’s got a freezer full of reindeer jerky, and he’s done for the day.

Mrs. Claus is “visiting family” with her friend Mrs. Thorwald, and was unavailable for comment for this story.

And the elves — oh, those faithful elves — why they’ve picked up Fiverr side-hustles as “personal assistants” in and around Hogwarts, and for some reason they keep asking people for their socks.

Now you know.

See you in 2024.

*Harry Aines is still locked in the trunk.